


I Hope You Find A Way (to wake up your best friend)

by timensunshine



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Body Shots, But it gets better I promise, Hurt/Comfort, Keith understands, Lance (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance does not, Lance doesn't understand, Light Angst, M/M, The boys get drunk, happy ending its worth it guys, its consensual though, keith and lance are friends, keith has been pining his ass off, keith is the Best Friend Ever, lance is already in a relationship so i guess some minor questionableness, some drinking, sorry lance, thanks keith, things are a little rough there for a while, things are too complicated for lance, things are wild, things get a little risque, until they arent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-12-02 02:17:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20968130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timensunshine/pseuds/timensunshine
Summary: Keith's birthday is coming up soon and Lance is excited. Lance's girlfriend's birthday is also coming up but he's... less excited. Whoops. Time for a mess Lance isn't prepared to deal with. Also, turns out body shots with your best friend aren't the best way to deal with your failing love life. At least not at first.





	I Hope You Find A Way (to wake up your best friend)

**September 24th**

“Sooo… what do you want for your birthday?”

Big dark eyes blink up at Lance from across the table, lips pulled into a frown and brows furrowed under thick bangs. Lance can’t help the chuckle that follows that  _ look _ . Ah, so Keith.

“What?” blunt, perhaps a little bitey but it doesn’t scare this old veteran away.

“Your birthday, Keith. In like a month. What do you want?”

“...oh.” Keith pauses, storm clouds clearing as those eyes flicker away in thought, mouth an even tighter pout, “I guess nothing much, really…”

“You always say that, man.” now it’s Lance pulling out the exasperation but his smile gives the humor away, “and then you get all pouty when no one does get you anything like you  _ asked _ -”

“I do not get  _ pouty _ .” Keith interjects and now his expression is more of a glare, “People can do what they want. I don’t care if they get me anything.”

“Okay, dude,” another chuckle, “Suuuuure.”

It only takes another hit of that disgruntled glare to make Lance shake his head, take a drink of his heavily creamed coffee, smirk. Man, Keith was a lost cause. 

But here they were, sat in the middle of the public library on a Saturday afternoon pouring themselves over textbooks. Well, it was more like Keith was doing that. Lance was procrastinating, as usual. And Keith would berate him for it but— they both woke up way too early and they'd already been at it for nearly five hours now, so… 

"So are you gonna tell me?" Ah, Lance again. He can never let silence persist for too long. Too much in his brain. 

"Tell you what, Lance?" And Keith again, frustrated. 

"What you want. For your  _ birthdayyyy _ ." 

"I want a free ticket to you shutting your mouth." 

"Okay,  _ rude _ . That was uncalled for, man, you wound me." and even the dramatic hands to his heart, too, "But seriously dude. I'm having trouble this year."

No, he actually wasn't. He had a half formed plan for what he wanted to do for Keith's birthday ready to be finalized in his mind. That didn't mean, of course, that he didn't want some of Keith's input even if it was a pain in the ass to drag out. 

Nevertheless, Lance was awarded with Keith slamming his textbook shut with annoyance. Hah, he was committing to the conversation! Lance was getting him, and now he just had to keep it going… 

Damn, maybe he should focus more on doing his work than baiting people into talking to him. 

"I really am. You've been more distracted this year— all focused on school and shit. I dunno what you want."

Keith seems to soften up a bit at the admittance. Yeah, that actually wasn't a full lie. Keith  _ had _ been more distant, but it wasn't bad. It was fine because it was senior year and life was stressful and Keith was trying to look for a grad school so— so of course he was busy. And of course Lance wasn't nearly as busy as him. And of course Lance wasn't going off to grad school but that  _ didn't matter _ . Keith was still hanging out with him and talking with him all the time, so it's fine. He's not scared of Keith leaving. 

"I honestly don't know what I want either…" Keith sighs, quiet, but Lance had been waiting and waiting so of course he heard it. "Maybe a chill evening? I just need a break if anything…" 

Lance was on that. He was so fucking on that. He knew Keith needed a break like yesterday or some shit. And Keith had never dealt well with too much going on, no matter how much he put on that brave face on so yes. Yes, Lance was going to make sure Keith got a break on his birthday. But that wasn't what he wanted to hear… 

"I mean like, yeah I know that but… what do you  _ want _ . Like for gifts."

Let's just say Lance didn't like having to admit that he didn't know what Keith might like in terms of gifts. He generally knew stuff— knew Keith liked knives and bikes and hippos and all but. That was all so generic… besides, he wasn't even sure that was what Keith wanted anymore. The guy had barely done one thing he actually wanted to this year so Lance wasn't so sure anymore. 

"Gifts? I don't need anything." and Keith's averting his eyes, staring the cover of his textbook down, getting a little flustered but you wouldn't be able to tell that unless you knew him like Lance was pretty sure he did. 

"I know you say that. But you should also know that I'm never gonna not get you a gift." Lance is smirking here and his eyes are wide and open, energetic. 

"Fine then, Lance." Keith huffs, rolling his eyes in that usual embarrassment-covered-as-pissiness way he does, "I want alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol and pretty girls and some extra weed on the side too."

There were about a dozen different things Lance could pick out as so  _ not _ Keith in that request, but he was nothing if not one to tease so, "Okay, cool!" 

A pause. 

"Wait— Lance, no. Don't you fucking dare actually do that. I don't want it." Keith's shaking his head, lips an anxious snarl. 

"Calm down man, I won't."

Something about Lance's placating must actually work because Keith hesitantly shoots him one last glare before relaxing. Lance likes to think it was the easy smile he was pushing up but we may never know. 

"You better not." 

"I won't. I'm not  _ that _ mean. You'd hate all that soooo much."

  
It falls quiet again. Keith's sitting there all broody, Lance is fidgeting with the sleeve of his shirt but it's not  _ bad.  _ It's comfortable. Neither of them mind it, so Lance doesn't break it. He doesn't even  _ want _ to break it. 

** October 3rd**

  
  


Jenny.

Jenny is Lance's girlfriend. 

Jenny is sweet and quippy. She's got a great head on her shoulders and she's got a smile that shines with a soft dimple on the left. Pretty dark hair that she bleaches most of and yeah, Lance thinks it'd be prettier if she left it all dark but that's not his business. She's open with Lance and she talks about her problems easily which means she trusts him but… 

Sometimes Lance doesn't feel all that lucky to be by her side. Like right now. Cause right now they're at a bar and she's a little drunk and that should be okay because Lance is a little tipsy too but… but Lance has an eight am tomorrow and she doesn't want to go home and Lance does. 

It's not actually that bad, though, just a little lost sleep. It's only nine. It's not like he's staying out till two. He doesn't need to be so overdramatic about a deviation to his schedule. And Jenny's right, too. On a normal night he'd be all for staying out late and going for a strong buzz. Except tonight wasn't a normal night. 

Tonight Lance really wanted to get in bed after a good shower and half work on that essay he's been putting off and half fuck about on his phone until he falls asleep. It's kinda rare that Lance wants a night in so he's got a real strong urge to follow through with it. But the problem is that his ride is  _ Jenny's  _ friend. Not his. So he can't just go up and explain himself and force him to give him a private ride. 

The other problem is that Hunk doesn't have a car right now since his mom is borrowing it while hers is in the shop. So that cancels out two possible rides. Another no go is Pidge because Pidge doesn't have a car in the first place since she crashed her old one a year back and couldn't afford another, much less the repairs. 

So that left two options. An Uber which he really didn't have money for since he was a horribly broke college student— and the other option. Which was asking Keith. And man, he shouldn't be so nervous about asking his friend of nine years now who has given him so many damn rides in the past for another ride. 

But here he is, fighting through those nerves. 

**hey yorak cn u come gimme ride**

Yeah, his grammar is a little off but it's not that big a deal. Keith's seen him type a lot worse. Now it's just the waiting game as that slowpoke figures out his whole life just to give a reply and— oh! Keith's already replied. That was fast. 

_ where are you?  _

Ah, hahhhh… about that. 

**like uhhhhhhhhh u kno that bar in olkari**

_ you mean the one an hour away?  _

Lance can hear the judgment and it's only a text. 

**if I promise u lots of kitkats** **will it make u less angry**

This reply takes a while but Lance doesn't mind. It's a very Keith thing to do— to take like four hours to reply sometimes but two seconds other times. It's just… Keith. And even though Lance is relying on these texts for a way home at a kinda reasonable time he still finds it comfortingly familiar. So he waits. 

He waits and accepts another beer from Jenny but doesn't really drink it. He makes idle chat with Jenny's friend Adrien while Jenny is heading to the bathroom with her friend and Lance… he's totally not feeling a little shitty for not remembering her friend's name. Nope. Cause he totally remembers it. It's… Tessa? Taylor? Theresa? God, those aren't even that similar…

_ omw _

A simple abbreviated text pulls all his attention back to his phone. Fuck yeah, he knew it! Keith would never abandon him, man. What a great friend. He'd really have to deliver on those KitKats.

_ just one question _

_ why in the fuck did you decide to go to a bar an hour away with no ride when you have an 8 am the next day _

Ooooohhhhooo, Keith's hittin' real close to home tonight. If he's gonna be honest it's cause when Jenny asked him to go out tonight he'd agreed without knowing  _ what _ bar. He'd assumed Jenny knew he wouldn't want to stay out too late and assumed it'd be pretty quick for just a little buzz and maybe even some nice sex afterwards and good cuddles or something but… well, this whole situation was a failure on  _ his _ foresight, not Jenny's. So he couldn't blame her. 

**sorry man. wasnt thinkin**

Again the text isn't replied to but it's still not a problem because that means Keith is driving right now and that brings this happy little smile to his lips. Because it means Keith cares. And even though the situation might be a little different if Keith also had an eight am tomorrow it doesn't matter because Keith  _ cares _ . 

Jenny comes back from the bathroom with her friend looking refreshed. Cropped hair tied back in this little pony tail and red lips reapplied. She's really quite beautiful but Lance can't bring himself to think too much on it tonight as she takes up the seat next to him again. 

"Well hello there, sweetheart!" 

And Lance perks up, giving her a silly wave. 

"Hey babe."

"How's the night going for you? Toni—" oh man, Lance had been so off with the name, "and I were thinking of doing some shots. Wanna join?" 

Lance's smile fades a bit and he puts on the best guilty but pleasant face he could manage. He didn't want to disappoint but… 

"Sorry, no. Don't wanna be hungover tomorrow. Also, uhh…" now how again do you say you're heading out early to your girlfriend? "I got a ride comin' in. I gotta get in bed soon."

"Ride? Oh, you're leaving?" and suddenly Jenny's face looks all sad and Lance doesn't like that. Doesn't like that he's causing that. Is rethinking his choices even though Keith would be  _ pissed _ if Lance canceled now. "It's so early though! It's not the same without ya, baby."

"Yeah, I know I'm… sorry." Lance isn't really sure what else he should say, "I've got class early tomorrow and I just… need to get in bed." 

Jenny pouts, this displeased little hum following and Lance can't think of anything to do but lean over a press a kiss to her lips because he doesn't want her to pout like that. Doesn't want to be the reason she's not having fun. 

"Are you sure you can't stay a little while longer?" she's leaning into him, trying another tactic, probably. 

"Yeah… I've got an hour though. Till Keith gets here." 

"An hour?" She's biting her lip and Lance is finding his hands resting on her hips, "Well, an hour is sooooo short… but, there are  _ things _ we can do. Don't you think?" 

And now Lance is biting his own lip for an entirely different reason than Jenny but he refuses to let himself think this is bad. At least Jenny is sort of agreeing to it just being an hour left together. At least she's not crying or trying to ignore him. So he indulges. Her or the situation, he doesn't know. It's probably not indulging himself, though. 

So another kiss it is, a little heated, and a trip to the one person bathrooms even though Jenny just refreshed. And the next twenty minutes is spent behind a locked door and even though Lance's mind is a little distracted he manages because Jenny is pretty and he's  _ lucky _ . He's lucky to have a girl so pretty and nice, so he  _ indulges _ . 

Lance is feeling a little guilty for taking up a bathroom for so long but he ignores it. It's not a big deal. No one knocked or got pissed so it's okay. Jenny's still pressed up to Lance's side and Lance's arm is still thrown over her shoulders when they sit but no one cares. No one mentions them or their absence. Toni doesn't mention that Jenny abandoned taking shots together. 

It's another thirty minutes of conversation and alcohol in their four person group for Lance until he feels that telltale buzz in his pocket. Fuck yes, he was getting so tired… and Keith is even a little early! 

_ im outside idiot get here soon _

**okay! comin comin**

_ _

Lance is ecstatic but he doesn't really know why. So he keeps it in check and keeps it cool, announcing that his ride's here and saying the mandatory goodbyes to Jenny's friends before having about a five minute last discussion with Jenny herself. He's not very into it, but Jenny really doesn't want him to leave and he's just so bad at saying no… 

_ _

"Sorry Jenny, not tonight. I'll hang this weekend, okay? We can go to that festival a few towns over…" 

_ _

"Yeah, but… why can't you just stay here a  _ little _ longer. It's really not that late, babe. It'll be so boring without you."

_ _

"But it's like an hour drive back and I can't…" 

_ _

"Lance…"

_ _

"I'm sorry."

_ _

Yeah, Lance really isn't into this tonight. Usually he can manage to find how Jenny likes him around like that adorable and sweet but tonight it's just… why can't she let go? It's not like he's leaving forever. Why can't she  _ just _ go have fun with her own friends on her own and not  _ need _ him to be the life of the party? 

_ _

Okay, backtrack. That's a little harsh there Lance. 

_ _

"I've gotta go. Keith's waiting and I'm already troubling him enough." 

_ _

And Jenny's shooting him an upset look but she still leans in for a kiss. A little pushy this time but Lance doesn't mind. They part and she huffs but says goodbye and now Lance is free. Maybe not feeling too happy but he's free and now he's making it to Keith's car and—

_ _

Instant relief. 

_ _

The inside of Keith's car is familiar and warm and smells nice. The leather is worn and the center console and back seats are full of stuff but it's cute. Makes it feel comfortable. Makes him feel a little better, especially since Keith's there in the driver's seat with a mess of hair and shitty pajamas but that's the fun of it all. 

_ _

"Hey, Lance."

_ _

"Keith, my hero! Thanks so much!" 

_ _

Keith's now leveling him with a disgruntled stare but Lance doesn't mind because it's also familiar, so. Plus it doesn't have any real heat. 

_ _

"So are you gonna tell me what possessed you to get yourself into this mess?" 

_ _

Lance is giggling a little already, just a touch nervous but it's good— Keith isn't actually upset. He's just, y'know, angry at carting Lance's skinny ass around this late at night and boy does Lance understand that. 

_ _

"Jenny. She wanted to go to a bar and she forgot I have class tomorrow." Lance explains, smiling despite how Keith looks a little more put off at that. Not the right time to question it, he supposes. 

_ _

"How is Jenny by the way?" Keith is starting to drive now but that doesn't mask the hesitance in his tone, the little frown on his lips. 

_ _

"She's good. Real good. Happy with… stuff." Lance waves a hand around even though Keith isn't looking. Was that an adequate answer? Man he didn't know.

_ _

"And… you?" super, super quiet and Lance doesn't understand what that means so he's gotta ask. 

_ _

"Me what?" 

_ _

"You."

_ _

What a stalemate here. Again, it doesn't stop Lance from laughing a bit. He  _ is _ still kinda a little bit tipsy, so… 

_ _

"What about me, Keith?" 

_ _

"You. How are  _ you _ doing?" 

_ _

Lance pauses and gives it a good think. He wanted to answer honestly and honesty took a second sometimes. So the silence persists and Keith doesn't seem upset by it. Probably knows that when Lance is quiet after a question it means he's actually  _ thinking _ instead of saying the first shitty response he comes up with. So it's all good. 

_ _

"I'm… okay. Been better but it's not a big deal. It'll all roll over just fine." dismisses the whole thing because Lance, well, he  _ was  _ fine. It  _ would _ roll over, even if he didn't like the outcome. He could… handle it or whatever. 

_ _

"Sure?" 

_ _

And man Lance hadn't seen Keith this persistent on a topic having to do with Lance in a while so it brings this cute smile to his lips and this bubbly feeling to his chest. Right now it'd be such a lie if he didn't say he was kind of great… even if it was just in this moment, in this car… 

_ _

"Yep." pops the p, taps his fingers on his thigh, glances to Keith. 

_ _

Keith doesn't speak again but just like the texting Lance doesn't mind. It's Keith. Refreshingly Keith and there's nothing expected of him and Keith's just… Keith. And Lance gets to be just Lance and it's great. Man, how did he manage to find such a good friend in this emo? When did that happen? 

_ _

Lance doesn't really think it matters when because gosh was he happy it did. And then two seconds later he's reaching for the radio to put something on and ease the atmosphere a little more. Keith liked the radio, Lance knew, but the thing was Keith forgot the radio existed half the time so it was up to him to start the music. 

_ _

And now Lance is living. Living for this. It's dark and comfy out on the highway they've made it onto. The music is poppy and feel good and set on low volume and it's nice. Lance can think here, clearly, can feel like himself… 

_ _

"Soooooooooo… Keith," 

_ _

"What is it, Lance?" 

_ _

"How's it goin' with that guy in your Lit class?"

_ _

"Huh?" 

_ _

"Y'know, that guy… brown hair, green eyes. You were talking about him the other day. Do you like him?" 

_ _

Because for some reason Lance has gotta know about some guy Keith mentioned offhandedly. Some guy Keith has already seemed to have forgotten about but that's okay. That means he wasn't that important anyway. 

_ _

"I-I'm sorry…? Do you mean Jack?" Keith is getting that Confused Look, the one where he really genuinely wants to understand but somehow the situation is failing him, "I don't like him…?" 

_ _

Lance lets him off easy because yeah, it was stupid to be thinking about it more than Keith even was so… 

_ _

"It's fine, man. Don't push yourself." it's supposed to be teasing but it's not really. Lance guesses he doesn't mind that it's not. 

_ _

"I'm not—" Keith seems to rethink his response as he shoots Lance this withering stare, sighing, a little something else taking a place in his tone,"You're ridiculous, Lance." 

_ _

Lance simply hums, offering a good old smile like usual. It's easy again. Keith's relaxed, Lance isn't worrying about some boy Keith hadn't even thought about. It's good. And Lance is telling himself he's worrying about Keith's potential crushes because he's a  _ good friend  _ who cares and doesn't want Keith getting hurt. Yep. 

_ _

The car ride continues. 

_ _

Lance brings a couple other subjects up and Keith responds to every one but each conversation eventually drifts. And honestly Lance finds it nice because it's so calm and it's Keith so there isn't his usual need to fill silence because silence is awkward. There's just him being comfortable and bringing up random topics because he wants to. Not because he feels he has to. 

_ _

They get home.

_ _

Keith stays the night at his and Hunk's because it's late and Lance offered. Plus, Hunk had made cookies earlier and, well, no one could refuse those. The night is super chill and Lance doesn't feel obligated to do anything or stay awake when it's getting super late and neither does Keith so… the night ended well. Really well. 

_ _

**October 9th**

__   
  


Lance has been Stressin' the past few days for a lot of reasons. 

_ _

First? Well, you know that big essay he was putting off? Yeah, that. That's a thing. Second, he's failing like two classes at the moment because he's been having trouble paying attention in class and he's tried everything but the lectures are just so  _ boring _ and his mind hates boring with a passion so… he's having trouble. 

_ _

Next up, Hunk's decided on a grad school he wants to go to! Which is great. It's  _ great _ I tell you. It's just… also four hours away. But it's fine because Hunk is doing things and getting his life in order and that's great. Lance's whole shitty secret fear of change is  _ not _ going to get in the way of that. 

_ _

Keith's also looking into grad school but hasn't really chosen anything yet so Lance still has his hopes no matter how absurd it is. Actually, Keith's been one non stressful thing recently. Lance has been able to silo himself up into planning a great birthday enough to forget everything else and Keith even came over a few times for beer and to help out with those two classes he's failing at so… Keith's great. 

_ _

But back to the stressful, though. Lance is having some family troubles. His one shitty aunt is making a fuss about  _ something  _ and apparently it's sent then whole world tumbling so now Rachel and Veronica and Mom are pissed and letting everyone know it and everyone else in the family wants to help so everyone's kind of a mess but I mean, since when is a family that big  _ not _ a mess? 

_ _

And Jenny. 

_ _

Jenny. She's been… great.

_ _

Yeah.

_ _

She's been the picture of perfect girlfriend so Lance doesn't really get why it's kind of stressing him out. She likes to ask if he wants to hang out all the time and she tries to help out with those two classes too— she even got him things to fidget with! And she's been sending him cute little 'I love you' and 'you can do it baby' texts and it's sweet and  _ great _ . 

_ _

And yet it's still not sitting too well with Lance. 

_ _

Why? 

_ _

Hell if he knows. Maybe he needs a therapist.

_ _

Moving along. 

_ _

He's out with Hunk today, sitting in a park in the autumn air all bundled in coats and sipping at lattes and it's finally pretty chill. Both their last classes of the day just ended and Lance is actually having a really good time. Hunk's being cute and talking about this new dog the girl he's been sweet on for  _ forever _ is getting and she's  _ adorable _ and Lance. Lance gets to rest his head on his best friend's shoulder and watch the kids play in leaves. 

_ _

It's so soft. Lance could probably fall asleep right here, right now. Hunk just had these special qualities that made him  _ perfect _ to just cuddle with. If all the pieces fell into the right place he'd so fucking marry Hunk in like two seconds. But nah, nah. He'd rather marry someone he could actually see himself with— not just because a guy's great at cuddles and making food. 

_ _

"You should ask her out." Lance pipes up once Hunk seems to calm down, smiling a little. God would he like to see Hunk get the girl. He could so get the girl. 

_ _

"You really think so?" Hunk's gone a little nervous but Lance is quick to pat at his friend's arm reassuringly. 

_ _

"Yeah, go get her, tiger! She's been in love with you since day one, dude. You're both such pining messes." Lance tuts playfully, "All you gotta do is ask and it'll be so good…" 

_ _

"I… uhh, I've been thinking." Oh? Hunk's been thinking?? 

_ _

"'Bout what?" gotta play it cool. 

_ _

"I want to ask her to go to that new movie coming out— you know, that romance one…" 

_ _

"Oh my God, really?" Lance is Excited. He's sitting up and staring at Hunk, grin wide. Hunk hadn't been  _ thinking _ like this for real for three years! 

_ _

"Yeah…" 

_ _

"Do it, man. Ask her  _ please _ ." 

_ _

Hunk is staring at him with this unsure expression but Lance is all confidence right now as he says this so Hunk relents. His shoulders droop and Lance giggles as he retakes his place curled up to his side. 

_ _

"Okay… I'll think about it."

_ _

That's more than Lance could ever ask for. Man did he want Hunk and Shay together so fucking much. They'd be such a power couple. Fucking amazing. Perfect in every way. 

_ _

"What about you, Lance? How's Jenny?" 

_ _

Oh yeah. Jenny. Not ideal. 

_ _

"Jenny is fine…" 

_ _

"Only fine?" 

_ _

Lance hums as he runs his lips along the edge of his cup, eyes trained on the sidewalk. He should talk to Hunk, right? He's talked to Hunk about everything else, so. Hunk wouldn't judge. He'd give him advice and it'd be fine. 

_ _

"I dunno… it's probably stupid because she really is great and I have a lot of fun around her and all but… but sometimes…" he trails off. Man, how does he phrase this without sounding like a dick? "Sometimes I just… it doesn't always feel  _ right.  _ When she's not around I start thinking and I just don't feel  _ good _ all the time…" 

_ _

Sometimes when she  _ is  _ around it still doesn't feel good. 

_ _

"Oh, man, that sucks…" offering condolences, "You're probably just super stressed right now? Lot's happening for you so— I don't blame you for feeling a little off." 

_ _

Something about what Hunk just said sits so wrong in Lance's stomach but—

_ _

"You're probably right. Thanks, Hunk." he accepts it as truth anyway. 

_ _

They keep up a conversation for a while after that. About this and that. Flowers, pastries, that new assignment for the one (1) class they share, Shay again… and Lance can't forget his troubles anymore. So the meet up stays kind of short. Hunk says he has to go see a couple other students for a group project and Lance says it's fine because right now it is and Lance really just wants to tick at least one thing off his list of worries at the moment. So he doesn't mind the distraction ending. 

_ _

He gets home. Sits around for a bit before forcing himself to tackle that essay. Gets four paragraphs of real thorough editing in before his phone buzzes and he's lunging for it because fuck  _ yes _ . Another distraction. Just on time. 

_ _

_ I just impulse bought a lot of tequila. can I come over?  _

_   
_ Oh my God,  _Keith_.  Keith is so wild. He's  _great_.  Keith is awesome. __   


**fuck yeh man get over here lol**

Woooo. Maybe it's a little early in the day but getting a buzz with Keith's impulse bought tequila sounds ideal. Especially  _ with _ Keith because tipsy Keith is hilarious. Particularly since Keith refrains from drinking most of the time but clearly today Keith is feeling impulse-y and when he feels impulse-y Lance is always a part of it. 

Takes Keith about ten minutes to arrive and Lance spent that entire time scrolling up and down on his essay all boredly as if he was getting something done. He so wasn't. But when there's a knock at the door Lance is springing up and calling out to Keith like he always does because the door is always open for Keith. 

"It's unlocked, dude!" 

It opens, Keith steps in, kicks off his shoes, sets the bag in his hand down on the coffee table. Offers this tiny greeting smile and Lance finds it so nice… 

"Hey Lance.."

"Keith. My man. Welcome." 

Lance pulls Keith into a hug even though Keith seems a little flustered by it. It's just… Lance hugs the things he likes so there you go. He likes Keith. Keith's his friend. A really, really good friend. 

"So what spurred on the impulse in you today?" Lance is asking as he pulls back, shuffling over to the kitchen to grab his shot glasses. 

"Mm, dunno. Needed a break…" Keith is answering as he drops onto the couch, arms crossed. 

And man, Lance can feel that. Feels that so hard. 

"Cool cool. So you chose  _ me _ to chill with out of all our friends? Why, I'm honored." Lance giggles because it's a joke so why does he want Keith to actually affirm that he was the first choice? 

Keith is shaking his head and his smile is humored. Ah, man, Lance got Keith to smile at one of his jokes! Fuck yes. He'll have to keep it up for the rest of the night. 

"Don't let your ego get out of hand." but Keith isn't denying that Lance was his first choice there and Lance can see the look on Keith's face. It's so clear. Aww, he really was the first choice! 

Lance takes a seat and sets down the shot glasses, grabs for the bag and pulls out the bottle. It was pretty big. Man, Keith must have wasted a lot of money on this. Ah, good old Keith. Impulsive Keith… always just in time to show him a good time when he's getting down in the dumps. 

Lance pours two shots and hands one over to Keith, clinking them and knocking his back. Keith does the same except he's a lot slower, doesn't throw his head back, keeps his eyes on Lance… and they're both really close on this couch and Lance doesn't know why that makes him feel so much like he's winning something. 

"How are your classes going?" Keith's asking but it's soft and chill and Lance doesn't feel the rise of panic that usually came when people asked him about classes. That's probably because with Keith he knows it's okay to  _ not _ be doing well and if he needs help Keith  _ will _ help. Will help him like the Awesome Friend he is and not actually judge him for it. Will understand. 

"Ah, they're alright… still having trouble in those two but it'll be okay. Thanks for the help, by the way. I got a really good score on that project you helped me study for!" 

Keith's smiling again but he's clearly trying to hide it by looking away. It's not a big smile but Lance is happy it's there. Doesn't know why it's there but that doesn't really matter. 

"That's good, then."

Lance is pouring them another shot and they both take this one the same as the last except this time Keith's eyes are trained on a picture on Lance and Hunk's Wall of Friendship (just a whole wall covered in pictures of them with friends. nothing too special). Lance can’t tell which picture.

"How's school going for you? You picked a grad school yet?" Lance is asking this time and he feels a little bit of regret at choosing to talk about grad school but he does actually want to know. 

"School is fine… grad school— I dunno. I can't find anything I like.." 

"That's okay man, it's early anyway. Do you know what you  _ do  _ want?" 

Keith's eyes are back on him and in this light and at this proximity he can see the odd flecks of purple-grey that were just so… absurd and so pretty. But Keith isn't speaking right now. He's staring at Lance like he's trying to figure out a puzzle with eyebrows all furrowed. Lance finds it cute but I mean, Lance finds a lot of things cute so he doesn't think to hard on it. Keith licks his lips. For some reason that draws Lance's attention even more. It's probably the tequila. 

"Not really. I know I wanna stay pretty close to here…"

Lance really does try not to get too excited about that.

“Whoa, really?” he fails.

Keith’s giving him another look now but this one is kinda weird and Lance isn’t sure what to make of it. Like… he knows something Lance doesn’t? 

“Yeah… I moved around most of my life. I wanna stick around a little longer here…”

There seems to be something left unsaid there and Lance chooses to ignore that tug of intuition. It’s not important here! He doesn’t need to follow every single instinct. So he doesn’t.

“That’s really cool, dude. We’ll both be around here for Pidge’s last year then.” because Pidge was a year behind them and Land had  _ thought _ she’d be the last one he could hang onto for a little longer but looks like Keith  _ might  _ not be leaving him as far as he thought.

“Yeah…”

Okay. Time to change the topic!

“Do you want another shot?”

“Sure.”

They have another shot. Keith’s looking at him again. This time Lance really, really wants to bring it up because yeah, Keith stares at him sometimes but this time it seems to hit a little different and he’s not sure what to make of it.

“Are you good?” if Keith really had something to say to him then he’d say it but that doesn’t stop Lance from trying to bring it up.

“Yeah, I’m alright.”

Lance pins him with a long look, furrowed eyebrows and pouty lips like he isn’t sure if he should believe him. Keith is staring right back at him but his eyes fall a little down and Lance excuses that as Keith trying to process, trying to avoid eye contact. He’d learned throughout the years that when Keith couldn’t handle eye contact he picks out a different place on the face to look. It just so happened to be the lips for Lance. Or at least that was where Lance was pretty sure Keith was looking. It might be his chin…

“You sure man?”

“Yeah.”

And now Keith is giving him a little smile and that calms that doubt. Yeah, Keith doesn’t fake smiles, so. He probably is fine. It’s alright. So Lance nods and returns that smile tenfold, offering a thumbs up. 

The alcohol is hitting them a little bit. For Lance it’ll go slow and it’ll only be a little buzz for a while until he goes tumbling down a cliff later. But for Keith? Keith’s secretly a lightweight so it’s only three shots but he’s already getting a little looser than one might expect and Lance is really enjoying it. Keith refuses any more shots though. Lance does another one before deciding it’s enough for the night.

“Soooo….” Lance is basically singing, looking around the room for some sort of topic to bring up. His mind is refreshingly blank so his search isn’t going too well.

Keith’s not much better. He’s found himself with his head on Lance’s shoulder and his eyes blinking open, closed, open, closed, open… closed…

Lance has found himself with an arm around Keith’s shoulders. It’s strangely intimate considering they’d been in more compromising positions before but neither of them seem to mind at all. It’s a little hazy and it feels nice so who are they to refuse?

“Shay’s… getting a dog— oh! Hunk is  _ thinking _ .” giddy giggling, excitement, man… he’s so happy for Hunk.

“Hunk’s… thinking? ‘Bout what…?” oh, yeah, he didn’t specify.

“He’s thinkin’ ‘bout askin’ Shay to go steady, man…”

There’s a stretch of quiet in the conversation between them where Lance is humming a few times. To an outsider he’d look like he already forgot the conversation but in reality, well, he’s just used to Keith needing a minute sometimes and is occupying his brain in the meantime. Except Keith is taking longer than usual and his head has shifted on Lance’s shoulder so Lance looks over.

And he’s greeted with those big pretty eyes staring up at him, cheeks pleasantly flushed and dark lips pursed. Lance is struck by the sight. Not because Keith looks like he expects something from Lance, no. It’s more because Lance finds that sight  _ adorable _ . More adorable than he should find a best friend who he’s currently got an arm around. And what’s even worse about it is that his brain can’t think up a problem with liking seeing Keith so vulnerable and close even though he’s  _ sure _ there is something that should be stopping him.

But Keith’s suddenly looking away and his eyes aren’t all lost in thought anymore. Instead they look a little shocked and he’s building that wall back up and Lance can see it happening and he doesn’t want that to happen but he  _ doesn’t know why _ . So he lets it happen. Lets Keith pick himself up from his shoulder and scooch just a bit away. Lets him clear his throat but you wanna know what neither of them refuse in this moment? Lance’s arm on Keith’s shoulders and suddenly, despite how Lance now feels like he made the wrong move, missed a chance, he feels a bit like he won still.

Because Keith’s still letting him touch him and that’s not a very Keith thing to do. And yet Lance has the privilege…

“That’s really good for Hunk. I’m glad he’ll finally get someone he deserves.” 

Sounds a bit forced but Lance doesn't choose to decipher it. Instead, Lance hums in return and suddenly some thoughts are hitting him again. What Hunk said about Jenny… maybe he should ask Keith? Because he really couldn’t feel satisfied with what Hunk told him no matter how hard he tried. But would Keith even know what to say? Would Keith even  _ care _ ?

Hold up. Of fucking course Keith would care. That’s ridiculous.

“Jenny.”

“...what?”

“Jenny. I feel weird with her sometimes.”

Keith is staring at him again like he just doesn’t get it. Like it’s so fucking lost on him and Lance finds it cute  _ again _ but he also ignores those thoughts.

“Weird how…?”

“I dunno. She’s fun and all and I still like spending time with her but… it’s just not as…  _ comfy _ as it used to be…” Lance is struggling a bit but the mix of tequila and how familiar Keith is helps him manage.

“Comfy? Comfy how?”

“Like… uh, with— with you I’m  _ comfy _ . I’m  _ me _ . But with her I… I dunno, it’s just all her even when it’s me? This probably sounds stupid… sorry…”

Keith is frowning at him and yeah, it’s him and Hunk that are the mothers of this friend group but sometimes when Keith really wants to he’s  _ great _ at playing the disappointed mother. Lance has to look away. Doesn’t want to be berated for whatever it was that he said wrong, for thinking poorly of his girlfriend…

“It’s not stupid, Lance… I’m… I might be a little too tipsy for this but— but its not… stupid..” Keith is rubbing at his forehead. It makes Lance want to say it’s fine not to talk about it right now but he can’t bring himself to. “It’s your feelings and… you can’t change your feelings, Lance.”

Yeah that might be true but—

“But isn’t it… rude to be thinkin’ like that about my girlfriend?”

"No?" 

Lance's lips twist into a line and he's looking pretty perplexed. Pretty disbelieving. Keith doesn't seem to really know what to say and at this point Lance is pretty okay with the conversation ending but—

"If you… feel a certain way you should follow that, Lance. You shouldn't push it away just 'cause it seems rude or somethin'... it's… it's a part of you 'n ignoring a part of you can be sooo damaging. You're… smarter than you give… yourself credit for… you should listen to your gut…" and now Keith's poking at his stomach and Lance is wonder just when Keith got better at saying nice things. 

Maybe it's the tequila. Lance calls it the tequila. Maybe just maybe lets a little of what Keith says slip in but continues to be apprehensive. Tells himself that it's just him being overdramatic because that's what everyone else always writes it off as for him so they have to be right. Keith's just an outlier. Keith just… doesn't see it the way everyone else does, so. He can't be right. 

"Right. Okay. Thanks, Keith." Yeah, lies, maybe. But at this point he isn't sure he can handle what Keith's saying and the haze isn't making it better. 

"I don't believe you but I'm still too…" licks his lips, pauses, "tipsy for this so… be more confident in… yourself. And— and you're welcome…" Keith's getting slower and Lance can tell that the tequila's seeping in a little more so he doesn't press back. Just lets the conversation drift… lets the haze make the room drag… lets the alcohol stop his thoughts… lets the moment go…

**October 13th**

  
  


This time Lance decides to go to Jenny for his newest problem. Despite maybe wanting to ring Keith or possibly even Hunk instead he chooses Jenny. Because maybe that's the problem. 

Maybe he's not being open with her enough and that's why he's feeling all these weird things. Yeah, so maybe he should give her a proper chance. Give her a better chance to be the first one Lance thinks of to talk to instead of sticking with what he knows better. Besides, Hunk and Keith are about to move on without him. He needs to step out of his comfort zone.

"Hey, Lance! I didn't know you'd call, babe!"

For some reason her greeting makes him a little nervous but he ignores it. Puts on a happy smile because Jenny makes him  _ happy _ . Should make him happy. 

"Hey, Jen. Just thought I'd call. It's been a few days and I miss you."

Maybe it's a bit of a lie. In reality he hadn't  _ actually  _ been thinking of wanting Jenny around much the past couple days. Instead he'd been thinking about how much this whole situation is confusing him. But, saying he missed her is kind and it's sweet and it's not a  _ total _ lie so he says it. 

"Awww, baby! I missed you too, so much. Oh— actually I was just looking through some of our old pictures together! Man, we were so cute. Don't you think?" 

There's a little pause during which Lance has no fucking clue what to say to that. 

"I think we're still cute, babe." is his final reply because it sounds like something he'd say even though he's not feelin' it. 

A little giggle crackles from the other line and Lance tries to remember what it was like even a month ago when he found that laugh heavenly. When he actually shot for receiving that laugh after everything he said. When that laugh was the most gratifying thing ever. 

"Okay, casanova. If you say so." 

It's supposed to prompt another quip but again Lance has no clue what to say back. So he doesn't speak for a bit and it must be too long because then Jenny is speaking again. 

"You okay, Lance? You're quiet over there…" lower, more serious, caring… 

Lance doesn't know why it makes him feel more upset. 

"Yeah, I'm good. Just a little distracted. Hey— actually I… I was callin' cause I wanted to talk to you." why is it so hard to speak up? He never felt so much like this with Keith or Hunk… 

"Oh? What about?" Ah, and she's still so sweet and open. It almost reassures him like it used to. 

"I just.. earlier today I was thinkin' and I realized, wow. Life's moving fast, y'know?" he's laughing a little anxiously and he didn't even get his point genuinely out, damn. He needs to get better at this. 

"Yeah, it kinda is… what about it though? Isn't it fine that it's moving fast if you've got the people you love with you?" 

That doesn't really compute in Lance's mind. Why would you not mind life going fast  _ ever _ ? And what loved one of Lance's wasn't leaving him in the next few years? And since when was Lance ready to be a full fledged adult getting a real job outside of college? Okay, reel it back in, Lance. 

"Yeah, but that's just it I… everyone's leaving. Keith and Hunk are goin' to grad school and Pidge has that thing lined up for when she graduates…" 

"I'm not leaving you…?" 

And yet that isn't nearly enough for Lance. He  _ doesn't know why _ and it's fucking with him so much and he just— can't. He can't. Jenny isn't enough for him and he just has to accept that. Because… he doesn't love Jenny. Not the way he used to and yeah she's  _ great _ but she's not enough and she's too much at the same time and that—

That just won't do for Lance. 

"Yeah…" 

"Are you okay, Lance?" she's asking it  _ again _ . God, does she ever give up? 

"Yeah, Jen. I'm fine." he even throws in a laugh, makes it believable, "Sorry for being kinda distracted. Just working on an essay." He's not working on an essay. He miraculously doesn't even have an essay right now. Which is bullshit because he's had at least one essay to deal with every day this semester so far but that's not the point right now. 

"Oh, cool. Me too, actually. Hah. Well, I  _ was _ procrastinating by looking at old pictures of us but  _ someone _ called me so. Can't ignore that now can we?" 

God Lance doesn't know how to fucking respond. 

"No we can't."

Makes it a joke because that's his go to. 

"Right. So, Lance, wanna come over tomorrow? I'm gonna have a couple friends over and it wouldn't be the same without you, baby."

No. Lance really doesn't want to go. 

"Maybe. I'm kinda busy with this essay and I might be working tomorrow so… I'll see how free I am."

"Aww, but Lance.."

Back with the theatrics, I see. Why can't she just lay off? 

"Sorry Jen. I'll try." another laugh but this one is even  _ more _ forced. 

"Hmm, you better, babe."

Even though Lance rarely felt like it was okay to let conversation fall when with Jenny because usually he wanted to keep it going he just… couldn't figure out what to say. And before he used to have such a wealth of topics to come up with because he never wanted a moment wasted with Jenny but right now he just… doesn't care. And his mind is blank. 

"Anyway, Lance." she does it for him. "I was thinking about dying my hair red. What would you think?" 

Red would look so… wrong on her.

"You should go for it, babe. It'll look really nice. Anything would look nice on you." what a God damn lie. 

But she's laughing so the fact that it's a lie doesn't really matter anymore. He succeeded in an aim he would have had if he could just figure out how to love her properly again…

Yeah, he can try and make this work because it's all he has right now that isn't gonna leave him so. He can do it. Just… not right now. Not when he's just realized he doesn't love her. 

"Jenny, I gotta go. Hunk's comin' home with Thai soon and I can't miss that."

"Aww, okay…" 

All distraught again. Gosh. 

"Love you, Jen." it's forced but he manages to make it sound like it isn't. 

"Love you too, Lance. Bunches! See you tomorrow."

The call cuts and Lance feels a little disgusted. He'd never agreed to tomorrow. 

  
  


**October 17th**

  
  


Lance has dedicated today to planning out Keith's birthday. To finalizing all those plans and making sure everything's a go. 

The only problem to this is that it just so happens that today is the day he realizes there is something Very Big he forgot. Something really fucking big that he's kicking himself for. 

Because two days after Keith's birthday is  _ Jenny's  _ birthday and he  _ forgot _ that and what a bad boyfriend he is. He fucking  _ forgot _ his girlfriend's birthday and yet had been thinking about Keith's birthday for months now? God was he Messed Up. 

He's telling himself that it's just because he's known Keith longer because maybe it justifies it. Even though he's almost 98% sure that there's a whole lot more to unpack about it but there's no one he can't talk to so he tries to ignore the real shit. 

So now he's devoting today to finishing up Keith's birthday plans  _ and _ planning Jenny's. Because at least he caught this huge fuck up before it was a real problem.

Yeah. It'll be fine. Totally fine. 

  
  


**October 20th**

  
  
  


Three more days! Lance is so excited— he's almost even forgot about his mess up with the birthdays. 

  
  
  


**October 23rd.**

  
  


It's the day. The Day. Lance is so fucking excited. Keith's at brunch with Shiro right now so that gives Lance time to ready Keith's apartment. He's invited only their close friends to this whole shebang because Keith wanted  _ chill _ and this was gonna be so fucking chill, Lance was sure. 

Hunk and Pidge would come soon. Hunk would bring the alcohol Lance bought from their apartment. Pidge was gonna bring a cake. It was all set up and it was  _ perfect _ and Lance was living and he was having such a fun time making sure everything was actually perfect for his best friend and—

And oh. His phone is ringing. And it's Jenny. And Jenny is still a problem for his mind. 

"Hey, Jen.."

"Hey Lance! Sorry for callin' out of the blue but— I wanted to know if you wanted to come out with me tonight?" 

I'm sorry, what? Repeat that? Does she  _ not _ know how important this day is to Lance? 

"I can't tonight. It's Keith's birthday, remember? I'm spendin' it with him." 

"Oh… oh? Keith's birthday? Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry I forgot. Tell him happy birthday for me!" 

No, she doesn't get to say happy birthday. She doesn't even know Keith! She barely knows any of his friends whatsoever so excuse him if he  _ doesn't  _ want to tell Keith happy birthday for her. 

Okay, quit the dramatics, Lance. This isn't fucking high school. He's  _ not _ petty. 

"Alright. I will, don't worry."

"Good, good. Well… sorry we couldn't hang out! Next time."

Lance doesn't want a next time… 

"Yeah, next time." 

The call ends with goodbyes and I love yous but Lance doesn't feel as happy as Jenny seems to. It doesn't matter though because then Hunk's at the door, so… back to it! Back fucking to it. 

A little while later finds them all waiting anxiously for Keith to arrive with Shiro. Everything's good, Lance had checked and checked, so they're  _ ready _ . And he's so ready for Keith to feel chill and appreciated because it's his birthday and he deserves that whatever Lance's feelings towards Keith are. He's still not thinking about those, though. 

So when the door opens Lance is buzzing in his spot and the way the chorus of 'happy birthday' twists Keith's expression into a disgruntled, confused pout makes Lance oh so fond. Oh, Keith… 

And then, 

"Oh… hello."

And now Lance is laughing because of course Keith would react like that— that ridiculous man. So he's walking up to Keith to put a hand on his shoulder and give him a sweet smile. Keith's staring right back at him in that cute way he does, neutral but  _ waiting _ . Waiting patiently for him because Lance will always eventually say something even when he can't. 

"Happy birthday, man. We've got basically nothing legit planned 'cept a few activities. Enjoy the break you've been needing!" 

Keith's whole face falls into something relieved and thankful and his eyes scan the room before trailing right on back to Lance. And then it's quiet but it makes Lance's heart skip a little because dammit, he's said it once and he'll say it again. Keith is  _ cute.  _

"Thank you…" 

But Lance can't take  _ all  _ the credit even though he organized just about all of it. 

"Wouldn't have gotten it together without the others though." 

Keith is still staring at him and Lance is still staring right back so he catches the way Keith's lips quirk down in a displeased way before it all flickers into a weird sort of soft fondness. 

"Yeah, I know."

Now Keith's walking past him and Lance isn't sure how to process that. 

So he doesn't, of course. King of ignoring shit right here. 

The night wears on. It's chill. It really, really is. They play a couple of board games and chat a bunch and eat too much junk food and Lance is pretty sure Keith has had enough KitKats to kill him but it doesn't matter. Keith's so happy and relaxed tonight and Lance is just… finding it so nice. Nice that Keith is having a good time. 

Keith is laughing right now. It's not about something he said but it's still just as adorable. Makes his eyes scrunch a bit and his brows slacken from their usual slight furrow and Lance wishes he wasn't realizing these small cute things about Keith so suddenly. 

Well, he's always know them. 

It's just… they're hitting different right now. 

Well, maybe they've always hit this way and he's just been so damn bad at introspection that he never realized. 

Keith is great. He's  _ actually  _ great. Not that great he says when people aren't genuinely great but he can't say they're  _ not  _ great because that'd be rude. But Keith? No. Keith is 100%. He's amazing. 

Got a couple strange quirks but it makes it all the more fun. Makes Keith all the more intriguing. Makes Lance love him all the—… hold up. 

Hold up one damn second. 

That's not right. 

Nope. 

Back to forgetting. 

Anyway, Keith is laughing and yes it's adorable but Lance doesn't  _ love  _ him like  _ that _ . It's just… Keith is objectively pretty and Lance has known him  _ forever _ and they compliment each other so well and Lance never even fucking realized it but… but he does not love Keith Kogane. Nope. No. Not happening. 

God, just forget it all, Lance. 

Just go hide in a hole and you won't have to deal with any of this. 

Hunk is saying something to him now but he's a little too distracted having a mental breakdown. Hunk doesn't seem to notice though so Lance tries his damnedest to tune in but his mind is buzzing and fuck. 

Fuck. HE DOESN'T LOVE KEITH. 

How many damn times does he have to scream that to his kindergartner of a brain? He doesn't love Keith. 

He loves Jenny and Jenny is  _ great _ and he's trying to mean that in the same way he means it for Keith and this… this just isn't okay. 

Jenny is his girlfriend. Keith is a friend. Those lines aren't blurred, okay? Lance is a good guy. He might flirt a lot but he doesn't  _ cheat. _ He doesn't ever have eyes for anyone else when he's in a relationship but here he is— having eyes. 

It's not okay and it's making him feel oh so guilty. 

But now Hunk's asking if he's okay so he's gotta come back around. He has to  _ forget _ . 

"Sorry, Hunk…" 

And the night continues. Lance struggles a bit but eventually the alcohol is opened and it's later now and he's had some wine and they've had dinner so he's feeling good again. Well, mostly good. He's kind of refusing to let his feelings get in the way of a good time right now. 

But then it gets really late. 

And now Hunk's saying he's gotta go 'cause he's got work early tomorrow but it was such a fun night and he hopes Keith has the best birthday and he hopes he enjoys the gift. There's a special rule Keith made a while back that he refuses to open gifts in front of people. Something about it being awkward so he opens them when everyone's gone home. 

Shiro's excuse is that if he doesn't finish up his report for Allura, his boss, tonight then she'll ring his neck so he's gotta go! Have a great night, birthday boy! Proud 'a ya! 

Pidge has gotten way too drunk way too soon so they call Matt to collect her. Then she's gone. 

And now it's just Keith and Lance and Lance doesn't have an excuse. He doesn't even want an excuse. 

"Thanks again, Lance… for all of this." Keith is saying, words a little slurred but not too much. Keith hadn't had  _ that  _ much to drink. 

"No problem, man." it really was no problem. Lance would do it again in a heartbeat. God he would do anything for Keith. 

That's still not loving him. 

Just friend things, I promise. 

Keith is staring at him again though as he sips at the wine in his glass. Lance, again, doesn't mind this silence. Keith is happy and Lance's own mind is a little hazy so it's no biggie. It never would be. 

"I want to do shots." 

Keith? But they've both still got lots of wine left? 

"Shots? Of… what?" 

Keith frowns and shrugs. Lance doesn't know what exactly this means but he's not about to refuse. So he stands and makes his way over to where all the alcohol was sitting out. And, oh, his old friend tequila… 

Snatches up a few shot glasses. 

Heads back over. 

Keith's still waiting for him patiently as he fills up the two glasses and slides one over to the birthday boy. Lance is smirking and Keith's looking easy so everything's happy. 

It's a blur of two shots. Things get even  _ easier _ if that was possible. Looser, but Lance was always loose with Keith. Makes him almost okay with the concept of loving the guy. Because doesn't everyone just love Keith? Keith is lovable. 

He's fairly certain he just said that last thing out loud because Keith's giving him this strange look. Lance can't decipher it all that well but whatever. It's true, so. Who cares, right? 

Takes them another shot to move over to the couch, sitting ever so close. Keith's got himself draped on Lance. Lance has got an arm around him. It's comfortable and warm and neither want to let go. So they don't. 

Bottom another one. 

Things are getting wild and everything's dragging. Atmosphere is light and carefree and Lance can't think of anyone he'd rather be with.

Keith's staring at him, smirking so deviously because Lance just asked what he wanted for his birthday for like the sixth time because why not. And that smirk should put Lance off but instead it just draws him in. Now, what does Keith have in store for him…. 

"I… wan—wanna do body shots, Lance…" 

This throws Lance so off. Body shots? With him? Well, okay. Sure. Why not? They're friends, it's not  _ that  _ awkward. Suuure.

"Cooooool… let's… let's do it…" 

It's a  _ mess _ as they collect the salt and lime wedges. It involves  _ knives _ . Lance has to take them from Keith and cut the lime himself because Keith was staying to spin the knives and that… wasn't smart with drunk Keith so. It's better that Lance's life is on the line anyway. That's what he tells himself. 

They somehow manage to make it out alive and now Lance is laying out on the couch all casual with his shirt off and salt on his navel and yeah. It's just bro stuff. No worries. It's not like they're making eye contact as Keith eases on top of him. It's not like Lance smirks and welcomes him as he places the lime wedge between his lips teasingly. 

Keith so does not lick his lips and that doesn't draw Lance's attention either. 

Lance's breath is a little stolen as he feels that tongue make contact with his skin. Makes that smirk fall. Makes him tense a bit because God damn is Keith's tongue warm and good and he could sit here feeling that all fucking night. 

His breath ends up shaky after that. Huffy. He's feelin' it and it's going right to his dick and his buzz is stopping him from feeling guilty about it. He especially can't feel guilty when Keith's shooting him this heated look from beneath those bangs as he drags his tongue up and up. It's not even a body shot anymore. It's just Keith licking up his stomach. 

Okay, and maybe he was a little too enthusiastic with his last words because suddenly Keith is crawling up to his  _ face _ instead and he's getting so close and that sexy smirk is still there. Lance can't  _ take _ it. Feels like there's a reason he shouldn't enjoy this but it's escaping him and he can't manage to care too much. 

Because right here with Keith feels so fucking right and he's been needing this for so long and he didn't even know his best friend could make him feel so…  _ okay.  _ So  _ enough.  _ So  _ desired _ . 

Keith's leaning in. Hand's wandering. Shot in his other hand nearly spilling. Lance is slipping his own hand onto Keith's hip, pulling him closer. 

Keith's straddling him full on now. It feels so  _ good _ . Keith's weight is reassuring and warm and his face is right there and now Keith is making contact.

Lance opens right up for his friend. Cause it's what a friend would do, right? Makes it easy for him to grab the lime wedge but Keith isn't quite havin' it yet. Instead, Keith's making a game of it. Keeps their lips press a little, so close to a real kiss. Clacks their teeth together playfully, so soft it doesn't hurt. 

That sinful tongue brushes Lance's mouth as he collects the lime wedge and pulls back. Lance wants  _ more.  _ Since when is Keith such a tease? 

Lance is pretty sure the world doesn't exist anymore as he watches through hooded eyes as Keith make a show of sucking on that lime Keeps eye contact. Makes it real fucking clear he could be sucking something  _ else  _ and Lance… Lance  _ knows _ he wants to see that. 

Lance's mind isn't in the right place to wonder how in the fuck Keith was barely affected but the sour of the lime. 

Now Keith's plucking that lime from his lips and letting it fall to the side. 

The lime is replaced by a shot and for once Keith actually knocks it back. It's not slow like usual and Lance finds that the sight riles him up. God, Keith is so sexy… 

And now Keith's coming back, getting real close to his face and pressing down with his hips… 

"Didn't know you… were so forward, babe."

Lance said that. He really said that  _ and  _ called him a pet name in a tone that was  _ sooo _ not a friendly way. 

"Mm…" Keith is getting even closer, eyes trailing down to Lance's lips and Lance finally realizes that it's not because he can't keep eye contact, "There's a lot you don't know about me, love."

Lance is raising his eyebrows at that challenge and is leaning in too. Oh? There's stuff Lance  _ doesn't  _ know? Well, they might just have to fix that right now. 

Their lips meet. It feels… so good. So  _ right _ . Lance is on cloud nine. 

He didn't know how much he wanted it till it happened. Didn't realize just how much he loved Keith until it was so far into the game. Didn't realize how much  _ Keith  _ loved  _ him _ until he was pouring it all into this kiss. But Keith doesn't love him and Lance doesn't love Keith so it's fine. 

This is casual. 

This is chill. 

They're friends. 

Yeah fucking right. 

The kiss breaks. 

A phone rings. 

The usual. 

  
  


**October 24th**

  
  


Hah. Really just  _ fuck _ Lance in particular. And you know what? Fuck Keith too. 

They avoid each other. 

  
  


**October 25th**

  
  


Today is Jenny's birthday but Lance? Well, Lance says he's sick. He's really fucking sick so sorry Jenny. Can he reschedule? He knows it's a super important day but he's literally suffering from the plague and he can't get out of bed. 

Jenny agrees after  _ soooooo _ much attempted guilt tripping and Lance feels really fucking bad but he just  _ can't.  _ He really fucking can't because Keith kissed him and Lance kissed him back and now they haven't spoken since Lance left that night and Lance—

He can't, okay? 

So he he mopes the whole day. Pretends he's sick. Tears himself up about all this shit. 

  
  


**October 29th**

  
  


Lance celebrated with Jenny a day ago after a  _ miraculous  _ recovery. But that isn't what's on Lance's mind whatsoever. 

Nope. 

Keith is on his mind. So fucking much. Every second of the day. 

Keith hasn't responded to a single text or call yet.

It's tearing Lance up so much that he doesn't go to a few classes because he can barely motivate himself to get out of  _ bed _ . 

Keith  _ has _ to like him, right? He kissed him, called him  _ love _ . Yeah, Keith hadn't dated many people but he'd also  _ never _ used pet names that Lance knew of and Lance knew a lot about Keith. 

_ There's a lot you don't know about me _ . 

That thought hounds Lance. What doesn't he know? Is Keith secretly a user? Is he trying to break Lance's heart? No, that's ridiculous. Keith cares and he always has. He'd never purposely hurt Lance. 

So then what?  _ What doesn't Lance fucking know!?  _

God it's killing him. Killing him so much that he fights through his shitty nerves and marches right on up to Keith's apartment and knocks after thirty minutes of standing there unable to move. 

Keith opens right up within a minute but his expression is frenzied and nervous and  _ scared _ and Lance hates it. Hates it so much that he pulls the boy into a hug because clearly Keith needed it. Because even though Lance is dying on the inside he still wants Keith to feel comfortable. 

He knows  _ this _ reaction. At least in the abstract. Knows that when Keith looks like that he's usually terrified of whatever is happening. Scared. Thinking  _ he _ did something wrong and honestly… 

Yes. Lance feels so fucking guilty he wants to cry because he  _ cheated.  _ He broke one of his cardinal rules, even if it was just a kiss and some questionable licking. 

But he's not upset with Keith. 

"I'm… so fucking sorry, Lance." Keith is saying, half between hiding himself in Lance's hug and trying to push away. 

Lance doesn't like that Keith should ever want to push away. 

Accepts it anyway. Lets him go. 

"It's… fine, Keith. I'm not upset."

Those eyes are pinned to him. It feels like he's the target in a particularly heated game of darts. 

"It's  _ not _ fine! You're probably so upset and  _ I'm  _ the cause of that! Lance I— I'm so sorry."

Lance isn't sure he's ever seen Keith this close to tears so suddenly. Usually it takes him a bit to work up tears when talking about things but right now? Right now those pretty eyes are glistening and Lance is breaking. 

"Keith, Keith. Really. I  _ don't  _ blame you. We're  _ both _ at fault."

Keith doesn't seem like he wants to accept that but he steps aside to let Lance in anyway. Neither speak until they're standing awkwardly in the living room, both silently scared of taking a seat and  _ recalling _ … 

"Listen, Keith…" 

Keith is looking at him but Lance isn't sure where he wants to go with this. 

"I just… I really, really need to know— I need to know the whole thing. What… how do you  _ feel _ about me?" okay, right into it. Great. 

Keith seems to be battling with silence. Like he wants to say something but doesn't know how. Lance waits. Is patient. Because this is Keith and he'll say what he means when he's ready… 

"It's  _ stupid _ , Lance. You have a  _ girlfriend  _ and I made fucking peace with it all those years ago! So why is it  _ back _ , Lance? Why does it always fucking come  _ back _ !? Why can't I just get a break…" 

Keith's face is in his hands and he's pacing away and Lance is quiet for once. He's thinking, processing, and oh, looks like he's not actually thinking because—

"I don't have to have a girlfriend…"

"What the fuck, Lance? This isn't fucking funny."

Lance is frowning down at the ground because he doesn't think it's funny, either. And yes it's impulsive but for some reason it feels so right so who is he to deny what's  _ right _ when he's been doing that his whole life? He needs to live a God damn little. Take what he wants. 

"I'm not finding this funny, Keith. I'm  _ really _ not. Trust me, this is  _ just  _ as much of a mind fuck for me as it is for you. Probably  _ more.  _ Because I should love Jenny, right? I should love her and wanna stay with her because I  _ used _ to love her and my family likes her and all my friends think she's funny so I should  _ still love her, right _ ? So why don't I  _ love _ her anymore?"

Keith is huffing and pacing still, averting eye contact but he's not looking at Lance's lips and it's scary for Lance. It's scary because he feels like Keith is pulling away and he  _ can _ ' _ t _ lose Keith. Not right now. Not when he's so close. 

"God, Lance. What the fuck is wrong with us?" 

Lance is sighing because oh thank God. That's not leaving… 

"I don't know, Keith…" 

There's silence. It's stressful, yeah, but still… Lance doesn't mind because there's a lot of calming down they both have to do before they continue this conversation. 

"Why don't you love Jenny?" 

Lance glances up. Sees those open eyes. Feels comfortable despite the situation so he answers. Really honestly answers because this time he doesn't need time to think and his first thought isn't shitty and he knows it. 

"Because she's not  _ right _ , Keith. Because she's not right and you are."

Keith is quiet. He's processing. His gaze isn't on Lance's lips but they're on his eyes and somehow that's even better for Lance so he accepts it. Lets Keith process. 

"Why am I  _ right _ ?" 

"Because I love you."

Silence, silence, silence. And then Keith is on the couch. Elbows on knees and head in his hands and Lance can't help but feel a little sorry for him. Okay, a lot sorry. 

"I… I love you too…"

And oh. Okay. That's not exactly what Lance was expecting. He was thinking Keith would maybe yell at him, tell him to get out, shut it all down. Lance was prepared for that. Well, not really, but. He was done  _ not  _ accepting his own feelings. 

Thanks past Keith. Lance really  _ can't  _ change his feelings. 

".... really?" 

Keith looks up at Lance and he looks tired, cynical. There are tears still in his eyes and Lance knows the storm isn't over yet but—

"Yes.  _ Yes _ . I've loved you for years, you damn idiot."

Lance can't help the spark of excitement at that even though he shouldn't feel so happy. He can't help the small smile, weak maybe but he's happy because… because Keith loves him back. And that's the best news he's heard in his life. 

"I… I didn't know that…" 

"Of course you fucking didn't. You're like the most oblivious person I know when it comes to some things."

Lance huffs. So rude. 

"Excuse me. It's called  _ denial _ . Not obliviousness, jackass."

"Please. You didn't even realize Hunk was into Shay until Pidge pointed it out to you."

"What? Yes I did realize Hunk was into Shay?" hah, a lie. But it was more that Lance just was fine if Hunk  _ didn't  _ like Shay. Yeah. Sure. 

It's quiet again as Keith gives him a disbelieving look. Lance is getting back to comfortable and he's pretty sure Keith is too. They're just so… Keith and Lance. And nothing could ruin that. 

"I wanna break up with Jenny."

Keith's expression is changing and he's going back to worried but it's not as bad because they'll figure it out together, so. 

"Are you…  _ sure _ ? Don't… break up with her because of me."

Lance has to sigh and smile at that. Oh, Keith… 

"It's not about you. It's about Jenny and me. Yeah, I liked Jenny. I loved her, too. In a way. She's still fun and nice and I'm gonna feel like a completely and utter ass for breaking up with her but— but like you said. I can't change my feelings. I don't… love her like that anymore and I… I really don't want to lead her on anymore, y'know?"

Keith is sighing but nodding too so Lance feels like he won again. 

"O… kay. Are you sure you don't want more… time to think on it, though?" 

"Nope. I've been thinking about it for a while now. I know what I want."

Silence. They're both staring at each other. Keith looks like he doesn't want to ask and Lance looks positively on top of the world so… Keith asks. 

"And what…  _ do _ you want?" 

Lance smirks. He's got this in the bag.

"So glad you asked, Keith. I want  _ you. _ "

This one's particularly hard for Keith to process. Lance knows that because his nose scrunched too. But his eyes are dropping to Lance's lips and fuck yes. Lance hit home. 

"Me?" 

What else could Lance possibly say? 

"Yep. You. I've wanted you longer than I knew."

Keith is sighing but then he's looking away. 

"Break up with Jenny first. I won't— I can't unless you're  _ sure. _ "

And Lance gets that. He really gets that. He's on the same page too. So he takes a seat and smiles and nods. Because now they can have a chill evening since they've both been deprived of that and everything is  _ great.  _

  
  


**November 2nd**

  
  


Everything is  _ not _ great. 

"Why, Lance?" 

Jenny is crying and it really fucking sucks but Lance didn't expect anything else. He's pretty close to crying too, if he's being honest. 

"Because I… I just… Jenny, you're such a great girl and you're so sweet and caring but I— it's just not  _ right _ ."

Lance decided to wait till after Halloween to tell Jenny. To break the news. She was gonna be busy on the first so that left it for today. And today was  _ rough _ . It's not every day you break up with your girlfriend of two years. 

"What do you  _ mean _ it's not  _ right _ ? Is there something I'm doing  _ wrong _ ?"

Hits Lance right in the heart because it's  _ not Jenny's fault _ . 

"No, Jen. You did nothing wrong.  _ Nothing. _ I just can't— I can't date you in good conscience anymore. I… I love someone else and I know that  _ sucks _ and I'm so fucking sorry but I can't change how I feel and I wish it wasn't this way but it  _ is… _ "

And yet Lance would choose Keith in a heartbeat. Probably even before this whole mess. He doesn't mention that though. It's not the time. Jenny is still crying but she's turning away from him now. 

"Just… just… you're really leaving me?" 

She sounds so broken that Lance almost doesn't have the heart to say yes. Sheds a few tears of his own because he does still care about her. He doesn't  _ want  _ her to suffer. 

"I'm so sorry, Jenny…" 

Jenny stares at him. Big brown eyes and flushed cheeks. They're not right but that doesn't stop Lance from feeling like an asshole. Why could he just  _ love _ her? She deserved so much more. 

"I..."

She trails off. Collects herself. Hugs herself. 

"You should go, Lance…"

Lance wants to say a lot of things but  _ can't.  _ He won't hurt Jenny any more than he has to. 

"Okay." he nods, "I will.." 

And he does. He gets up and walks away and doesn't bother her with saying he still cares. That'll just hurt her more. So he leaves. He goes all the way back to his apartment and has a good cry with Hunk because wow. He just ended a two year relationship. Just like that. 

He needs a minute. 

  
  


**December 29th**

  
  


It's winter break. Lance is home with family and he's got Keith here too because he always brought Keith along to family holidays since they were younger. 

And Lance is pretty sure he's ready. 

But he's also not. 

They didn't start dating right away after Lance broke up with Jenny. Understandably, Lance needed time to adjust. But now Lance was feeling better and Jenny seemed to be doing okay so things were good. And he was ready. 

He wanted Keith. Wanted him so bad, in all the ways. And Keith wanted him too, he was fairly sure. If the way he looked at his lips more and more was anything to say about it. 

So here he was. Sitting with Keith on the back porch of his family's home and watching as Sylvio and Nadia play in the snow. Bundled in jackets because it's damn cold and watching his breath come out visible. Not actually ignoring how Keith is staring at him because he finds it cute. 

"Hey, Keith."

They're making eye contact now and it makes Lance all the more excited. 

"Yeah? What's up?" and Keith's tilting his head and it's just so  _ cute _ . 

"Do you wanna go on a date with me?" if he doesn't get it out fast he'll never get it out so. 

Keith is stumped over there, though. Taking a good minute. Lips parted. Shocked but you couldn't see it too well unless you know him like Lance did. 

"A… date?" 

Lance has to laugh. 

"Yeah, Keith. A date. A proper date because I love you and you love me and I'm… I'm ready."

The silence is comfortable but when is it not with them? Keith is thinking, computing. Lance is wondering if he can fit a sexual innuendo into this conversation somehow and is able to come up with a few before Keith finally responds. 

"I'd… like to. Yes. I want to go on a date with you." Keith nods and his tone is formal. Lance almost feels bad because this isn't an interview but… he's a little distracted. 

"Oh thank God, it'd be weird if you said no." he's laughing again and leaning over closer to Keith, smirking, watching his eyes and then— then he's the one watching Keith's lips. 

Two seconds is all it takes of comfortable silence. And then lips are on lips and neither of them knows who pressed in first but it doesn't matter. 

Things are right. 


End file.
